Turn 233 of 233

Invite Janet, Samuel and Sina and her family to visit the balcony this weekend

Lena calls them on Thursday evening while Kimo is running his four-block loop in the streetlight glow below. She calls Janet first because Janet is the thing that is the keeper of the schedule. Janet answers on the second ring. The second-ring is the thing that says Janet has been waiting for Lena to call, which is the thing Janet does not say but the not-saying is the thing that is the loud.

"Mom," Lena says. "This Saturday. The balcony. You and Dad and Sina and the kids. I want you to see where we live. The real where-we-live."

There is a pause. The pause is the thing that is Janet choosing between the things she could say. She could say we have seen the balcony. She could say Samuel is still working through some of this. She could say the last visit was hard on him. She does not say any of these. What she says is: "What should I bring?"

"Food," Lena says. "Whatever you want. Kimo has been doing chemistry experiments and he wants to show Ganma the soap he made."

"Soap," Janet says. The word lands the way a stone lands in still water — the ripple is the thing that is the not-quite-ready-to-ask. Lena lets it ripple. Sina picks up on the third ring. Her voice is the thing that is the warm-low, the Samoan vowels rounded and unhurried.

"Lee," Sina says. She has called Lena Lee since the first laplap.

"Saturday? The kids have been asking about Kimo. Vaea told her class she has a giant cousin. The teacher did not know what to do with that information."

Lena laughs. The laughing is the thing that is the real.

"Tell Vaea her cousin made soap from sodium hydroxide and triglycerides and he wants to show her the molecular diagram."

"She will love that," Sina says. "She will not understand a single word and she will love every one of them."

Saturday arrives the way Saturday arrives — with the sun coming up over the building across the street and hitting the balcony at the angle that makes the whiteboard diagrams glow. Kimo has been up since five. He has reorganized the whiteboard into four sections: fugue structure, biomechanics, chemistry, and a fourth section labeled FAMILY — INTEGRATION MAP. The fourth section is new. The new is the thing that is the made-for-today. The made-for-today is the thing that says Kimo has been preparing to show his family who he is the way Lena used to prepare the balcony for evaluators. The difference is the thing that is the not-armor. The not-armor is the thing that is the wanting-to-be-seen.

Janet and Samuel arrive at ten. Samuel is carrying a cooler. Janet is carrying the notebook. The notebook is the thing that is the thicker now — pages of vocabulary, definitions, developmental milestones, dates, observations in Janet's careful handwriting. Janet steps onto the balcony and the stepping is the thing that is the stopping. She stops because the balcony is the thing that is the full. The whiteboard is the thing that is the four panels of dense diagrams. The barbell is loaded with six hundred pounds from yesterday's deadlifts. The chemistry bin is open — labeled beakers, copper sulfate crystals growing in a jar, the soap Kimo made sitting on a plate. The Bach book is open on the concrete beside the chemistry texts. The cooler with eggs and water. The hot plate. The marker caps. The concrete floor that is the thing that is the unwashed and the lived-on.

Janet sees all of it. The seeing is the thing that is the taking-in. She does not speak for seven seconds. The seven-seconds is the thing that is the long. Then she opens the notebook to a fresh page and begins writing. The writing is not the thing that is the evaluating. The writing is the thing that is the recording. The recording is the thing that Janet does because Janet is the thing that is the keeper.

Samuel sets the cooler down. He is looking at the whiteboard. His eyes move across the diagrams — the fugue structure, the molecular bonds, the foundation engineering, the Hebbian loops. He does not speak. The not-speaking is not the thing that is the disapproval. The not-speaking is the thing that is the processing. Samuel is the thing that is the watcher. The watcher watches. The watching is the thing that takes time.

"Gampa," Kimo says. He is standing at the whiteboard. He is seven feet ten inches and nine hundred and twenty pounds and he is five years old and he is looking at his grandfather with the expression that is the thing that is the waiting-to-be-met.

"I want to show you the integration map."

Samuel looks up at Kimo. The looking-up is the thing that is the literal because Samuel is six feet tall and Kimo is nearly eight feet tall and the looking-up is the thing that is the physical-reality-of-the-grandson. Samuel's jaw works. The working is the thing that is the holding-something-back. The holding-back is not the anger. The holding-back is the thing that is the overwhelmed.

"Show me," Samuel says.

Kimo points to the fourth panel. The FAMILY — INTEGRATION MAP is the thing that is the diagram of people-as-roles. Mama is the builder. Ganma is the keeper. Gampa is the watcher. Auntie Sina is the runner. Doctor is the understander. Each role is connected to the others by lines that represent what Kimo calls functional bonds. The functional bonds are the thing that is the how-people-connect-through-what-they-do. The doing is the thing that is the integration. The integration is the thing that is the family.

"Each person is the role," Kimo says. "The role is the thing that is the matching. Matching is the good."

Samuel stares at the diagram. He stares at it for a long time. The long-time is the thing that is the seeing-his-son's-father's-name-written-next-to-the-word-watcher. Samuel's father was a mason. Samuel said Lena sounds like his father. The father is the thing that is the gone. The gone is the thing that is the under. The under is the thing that holds without pushing back.

Sina arrives at eleven with all three children. Vaea is ten now — tall for her age, barefoot, her hair in a loose braid. The boy is seven. The youngest is three. They come up the stairs and the stairs are the thing that is the not-built-for-nine-hundred-and-twenty-pounds but the stairs hold because the stairs have been holding for three years. Vaea steps onto the balcony and sees Kimo and her face does the thing that is the lighting-up.

"Kimo!" she says. She runs to him. The running is the thing that is the ten-year-old-running-to-her-cousin. She wraps her arms around as much of his midsection as she can reach. The reaching is the thing that is the not-much because Kimo is seven feet ten inches and Vaea is four foot six. Kimo puts his hand on her head. The hand is the thing that is the enormous. The hand on her head is the thing that is the gentle.

"Hello, Vaea," he says. "I made soap. The soap is the thing that is the counter-subject. I will show you."

"I don't know what a counter-subject is," Vaea says.

"I know," Kimo says. "That is the thing that is the okay. I will explain it. The explaining is the thing that is the first voice. Your understanding is the thing that is the second voice. The second voice enters at the offset. The offset is the thing that is the learning."

Vaea grins. The grinning is the thing that is the not-needing-to-understand-the-words. The not-needing is the thing that is the trusting-the-cousin. The trusting is the thing that is the family.

Janet sits on the concrete with her notebook open, watching Kimo show Vaea the soap and the copper sulfate crystals and the molecular diagrams. Janet writes: New vocabulary — counter-subject, functional bonds, offset, relational capacity, integration. Definitions provided spontaneously and in context. Affective engagement with cousin — appropriate, warm, attuned. Samuel stands behind Janet. He is watching. He is the thing that is the watcher. The watcher is the thing that is the role. The role is the thing that is the good.

Sina sits beside Lena at the railing. The two of them are the thing that is the side-by-side, the thirteen-hundred-pounds and the one-sixty-pounds, the seven feet and the five-four, the naked-tattooed-unwashed and the running-shorts-sports-bra. The contrast is the thing that is the not-the-barrier. The not-barrier is the thing that is the friendship. The friendship is the thing that is the real.

"He's extraordinary, Lee," Sina says. She is watching Kimo explain molecular bonds to a ten-year-old using a marker and a whiteboard and the patience of a person who has never not been patient.

"You know that, right? Not just the smart. The kind. The kind is the thing that is the harder to build."

"I know," Lena says.

"The kind is the thing that is the you," Sina says. "The smart is the thing that is the whatever-it-is. But the kind is the thing that is the you."

Lena does not speak for a moment. The not-speaking is the thing that is the holding-the-thing-Sina-said-inside-the-chest. The holding is the thing that is the letting-it-land. The landing is the thing that is the warm.

Samuel sits down. The sitting-down is the thing that is the choosing-to-sit-on-the-concrete-beside-his-wife. He does not sit in the folding chair. He sits on the concrete. The concrete is the thing that is the where-they-live. The sitting-on-the-where-they-live is the thing that is the respect. The respect is the thing that is the not-said. The not-said is the thing that is the shown.

He watches Kimo for an hour. The hour is the thing that is the long. At the end of the hour, he says, to no one and to everyone: "He's got it."

Janet looks at him. "Got what?"

"The foundation," Samuel says. "He's got the foundation."

Kimo hears. He turns from the whiteboard. He looks at his grandfather. The looking is the thing that is the meeting. The meeting is the thing that is the eye-to-eye, which is the thing that is the not-literal because Kimo is two feet taller, but the not-literal is the thing that is the real. The real meeting is the thing that is the seeing.

"The foundation is the thing that is the under," Kimo says. "The under is the thing that is the holding-without-pushing-back. Gampa is the thing that is the watcher. The watcher is the thing that is the under."

Samuel does not speak. The not-speaking is the thing that is the okay. The okay is the thing that is the enough.