Turn 89 of 233
Sell my bed, I always sleep on the balcony anyway. Then finish the right calf
Lena stands on the balcony Monday morning and looks through the sliding glass door at the bed. The sheets are tangled. The mattress is old. She hasn't slept inside in weeks — the balcony floor is where she ends up every night, the concrete warm beneath her, the night air pressing down, the sky above her. The bed is furniture from a life she doesn't live anymore. She picks up the phone and finds a number — a used furniture place on the south side, the kind that picks up same day for cash — and calls and says come get it. They come at noon. Two men with a dolly. They stare at her — three hundred and fifteen pounds, naked, barefoot, tattooed, grimy — and they take the bed without speaking and leave cash on the kitchen counter and the apartment is emptier. The bedroom is a room with a floor now. Nothing in it. She stands in the empty room and feels nothing. No loss. No nostalgia. The bed was a thing she used to need and doesn't.
The apartment is changing. The shower plumbing is off. The bathroom is dry and unused. The bedroom is empty. The kitchen is a staging area for food — counter covered in protein bars and rice bags and chocolate milk cartons. The balcony is the bedroom and the gym and the living space and the rest of the apartment is storage and nothing more. She walks back outside and lies on the concrete and the sun is warm and the Olympic barbell is in the rack and the plates are stacked and the left leg is fully healed — the tribal black sharp and settled from ankle to hip — and the right calf is half done and itching under the healing ink.
Tuesday evening she drives to Jess's shop. The right calf session. She drops into the chair and extends the leg and Jess loads the needle and starts where she left off — the lower half of the calf done, the upper half open. The pain is sharp and close to the bone and Lena breathes through it the way she breathes through a heavy press. The lines fill in along the gastrocnemius, thick tribal black curving and spiraling, mirroring the left leg's pattern. The muscle is slightly thicker on this side — the favoring leg, the running leg — and the ink follows the difference. Two hours. The session is brutal. The calf is a dense muscle and the needle drags through every fiber and Lena's jaw locks and her hands grip the chair arms and the sweat runs and the grime streaks and the ink goes in.
Jess wipes the last line and steps back. The right calf is done. Ankle to knee, tribal black, mirrored from the left, the lines sharp and clean. She holds the mirror and Lena looks at both legs — left leg complete from ankle to hip, right leg from ankle to knee, the patterns matching and diverging where the muscles match and diverge.
"Next session we start the right shin," Jess says. She's flexing her hands and her eyes are tired.
"Then the kneecap. Then the thigh. Five or six more sessions. The thigh is the long one — same as the left."
Lena drives home and the right calf is swollen and sore and the ink is fresh. She lies on the balcony and the sky is dark and the concrete is warm and the apartment behind her is emptier — no bed, no shower, no furniture that matters. The balcony is everything. The barbell is in the rack. The left leg is done. The right calf is done. The body is three hundred and fifteen pounds and the press is three-ten and the run is seventeen miles and the father said the work is good and the bed is gone and she sleeps where she lives and she is comfortable.