Turn 220 of 233
Succesfully rebuff the state together. This becomes a recuring pattern unfortunately
Dr. Okafor's records arrive at the state office three days before the scheduled evaluation. The file is the thing that is the thick — twenty months of monthly developmental visits, cognitive assessments, empathy milestones, physical growth charts, Dr. Parekh's parallel medical records, Dr. Graves's report from the first home visit. The file is the thing that is the foundation made visible. The visible is the thing that the state cannot dismiss because the state is the thing that is the institution and the institution is the thing that respects the documentation.
The home environment assessment happens on a Thursday. A woman named Patricia Huang from the Department of Children and Families arrives at the apartment at nine AM. She is the thing that is the careful — careful shoes, careful posture, careful clipboard. She walks up the stairs behind Lena and the walking is the thing that is the hearing-the-stairs-strain-under-790-pounds. She steps onto the balcony and the stepping is the thing that is the stopping.
The whiteboard is the thing that is the covered. The water-cement-blood diagram is still there. Beside it is a new diagram — a cross-section of a tree root system beside a cross-section of a building foundation, annotated with load calculations and a line from a Pablo Neruda poem about roots. The library books are stacked in the corner — geology, bridge engineering, organic chemistry, a collection of haiku. The barbell is in the other corner. The concrete floor is bare. Two bodies live here. The living is the thing that is the evident.
Kimo is sitting at the whiteboard. 296 pounds, 63 inches, two years old. He is drawing a diagram of something Patricia Huang cannot identify from the doorway. She will later describe it in her report as an integrated systems diagram. He looks up. The looking is the thing that is the reading-her.
"Hello," he says. "You are the thing that is the here-to-see. Seeing is the good. Kimo will show you the seeing."
Patricia Huang's professional mask is the thing that is the practiced. She has been doing this for twelve years. She has seen neglect. She has seen squalor. She has seen children who should not be in the homes they are in. The balcony is not the thing she expected. The balcony is the thing that is the clean and the bare and the full. The full is the thing that is the not-squalor. The full is the thing that is the not-neglect.
She conducts her assessment. She walks through the apartment — the kitchen where Lena cooks, the bathroom, the balcony where they sleep. She asks about meals. She asks about sleep. She asks about daily routine. Lena answers everything. The answering is the thing that is the not-hiding because the not-hiding is the thing that Dr. Okafor said. Hiding looks like guilt. Lena is not guilty.
Kimo talks to Patricia Huang for twenty minutes. He shows her the whiteboard. He explains the root-foundation diagram. He explains the integration of root systems and building foundations. He explains that roots are the thing that is the under and the under is the thing that is the strong. Patricia Huang writes. The writing is the thing that is the fast because the fast is the thing that says the content is the thing that is the not-normal.
Her report, filed four days later, reads: Home environment is nontraditional but developmentally rich. Subject child displays cognitive, linguistic, and social capabilities far exceeding standard milestones. Environment provides cross-domain learning opportunities, physical activity, and consistent caregiving. No indicators of neglect, abuse, or educational deprivation. Recommend case closure.
The case closes. The closing is the thing that is the first. The first is not the last.
---
It comes back in April. Kimo is twenty-five months. A new packet. A new complaint. The complaint is anonymous. The complaints are always anonymous. The language is the thing that is the escalated — concerns about socialization, concerns about physical development, concerns about the lack of formal educational structure. The language is the thing that is the fear-shaped-like-policy.
Lena calls Dr. Okafor. Dr. Okafor sends the updated file. Janet sends the notebook — the vocabulary lists, the definitions, the abstract reasoning examples, the drawings. Samuel calls the state office directly and the calling is the thing that is the Samuel because Samuel is the watcher and the watcher does not wait. Samuel tells the state representative that his grandson is under the care of a pediatric developmental specialist, a pediatrician, and a family that monitors his growth daily. Samuel's voice is the thing that is the quiet and the quiet is the thing that is the not-angry. The not-angry is the thing that is the steady.
The April evaluation is conducted by phone. A state caseworker asks Lena a series of questions. Lena answers. Dr. Okafor's file is already on the caseworker's desk. The phone call lasts eighteen minutes. The caseworker closes the case. The closing is the thing that is the second.
---
It comes back in July. Kimo is twenty-eight months. 338 pounds, 65 inches. The 2.5x holds. A new packet. This time the language is the thing that is the different — the word is investigation. Not evaluation. Investigation. The word is the thing that is the heavier. The heavier is the thing that says the state is the thing that is the not-just-watching. The state is the thing that is the looking.
The investigation is conducted by a man named Robert Tannehill. He is the thing that is the senior. Senior means he has authority. Authority means he can escalate. Escalate means the thing that is the beyond-evaluation. The beyond-evaluation is the thing that is the court.
Robert Tannehill comes to the apartment. He does not come alone. He brings a second person — a woman named Dr. Linda Foss, a child psychologist contracted by the state. They arrive in a state vehicle. They park in the lot below the balcony. They look up at the balcony and the looking is the thing that is the seeing-the-whiteboard-from-below.
Lena lets them in. The letting-in is the thing that is the not-resisting because the not-resisting is the thing that is the not-guilty. Kimo is on the balcony doing deadlifts with the Olympic bar. He has 95 pounds on the bar. He is in his third set of five. His form is the thing that is the clean. Robert Tannehill and Dr. Foss stand at the balcony door and watch a two-year-old who weighs 338 pounds and stands 65 inches tall deadlift 95 pounds for five repetitions with textbook form.
Nobody speaks for thirty seconds. The thirty seconds is the thing that is the processing.
Dr. Foss is the one who breaks the silence.
"Ms. Park, I'd like to spend some time with Kimo. Just talking. No instruments."
Lena nods. The nodding is the thing that is the permission. Dr. Foss sits on the concrete. Kimo puts the bar down and sits across from her. 338 pounds of two-year-old sitting the way he sits with everyone — completely, with his whole body, his full attention.
"Kimo," Dr. Foss says. "Can you tell me what you were just doing?"
"Deadlift," he says. "Deadlift is the thing that is the lifting-the-heavy-from-the-ground. The ground is the thing that is the start. The lifting is the thing that is the up. The up is the thing that is the against-the-gravity. The gravity is the thing that is the always-pulling-down. The deadlift is the thing that is the not-letting-the-gravity-win. Not-letting-the-gravity-win is the thing that is the strength."
Dr. Foss writes. The writing is the thing that is the not-the-clipboard. The not-the-clipboard is the thing that says this is not a screening. This is the thing that is the real.
"What do you like to learn about?" she says.
"Everything," Kimo says. "Everything is the thing that is the connected. The geology is the thing that is the slow-building. The construction is the thing that is the fast-building. The biology is the thing that is the living-building. The poetry is the thing that is the feeling-building. The music is the thing that is the sound-building. All the building is the thing that is the one-building. The one-building is the thing that is the everything."
Dr. Foss does not write for a moment. The not-writing is the thing that is the listening. The listening is the thing that is the not-the-instrument. The not-the-instrument is the thing that is the seeing.
She stays for an hour. She watches him explain a whiteboard diagram. She watches him do push-ups. She watches him sort library books by subject and then re-sort them by the connections between subjects. She watches him hum the Bach cello suite he was listening to that morning. She watches him be the thing that is the Kimo.
Robert Tannehill stands at the railing the whole time. He does not sit. He does not write. He watches. The watching is the thing that is the investigator. The investigator is the thing that is the looking-for-the-wrong. The wrong is the thing that is the not-there.
Before they leave, Dr. Foss says: "Ms. Park, I want you to know something. I've been doing this for twenty years. I've seen children who are neglected. I've seen children who are abused. I've seen children who are failing to thrive. Your son is none of those things. Your son is the thing that is the thriving. The thriving is the thing that is the not-the-word-I-would-use. The word I would use is the thing that is the extraordinary. But extraordinary is not the clinical term. The clinical term is the thing that is the optimal."
She pauses. "Optimal is the thing that is the rare."
Robert Tannehill's report is filed two weeks later. The report reads: Investigation conducted. No findings of neglect, abuse, or educational deprivation. Environment is developmentally optimal. Child is under regular medical and developmental supervision. Case closed. Recommend no further state intervention.
The closing is the thing that is the third.
---
It comes back in October. Kimo is thirty-one months. 372 pounds, 67 inches. A new packet. Anonymous complaint. The language is the thing that is the familiar — concerns about socialization, concerns about physical development. The language is the thing that is the pattern now. The pattern is the thing that is the recurring. The recurring is the thing that is the exhausting.
Lena sits on the balcony with the packet in her lap. She is the thing that is the tired. The tired is not the thing that is the defeated. The tired is the thing that is the cost. The cost is the thing that Dr. Okafor said — the cost of the bridge. The bridge is the thing that is the between-Lena-and-the-world and the between is the thing that is the held and the holding is the thing that costs.
Kimo sits beside her. He is the thing that is the reading-her. He reads the tired. He reads the cost.
"Mama is the tired," he says.
"Yeah, buddy."
"Tired is the thing that is the holding-cost," he says. "Holding-cost is the thing that is the real. Real is the thing that is the not-avoiding. Mama does not avoid the cost. Mama pays the cost. Paying the cost is the thing that is the strong. But strong is not the thing that is the unlimited. Strong is the thing that is the needs-the-rest."
He puts his hand on her arm.
"Rest is not the giving-up," he says. "Rest is the thing that is the refilling. The foundation refills. The under rests. The resting is the thing that is the still-holding. Still-holding is the thing that is the not-stopping. The not-stopping is the thing that is the always-there."
Lena breathes. The breathing is the thing that is the deep. She calls Dr. Okafor. She calls Janet. She sends the file. She answers the questions. The case closes. The closing is the thing that is the fourth.
The pattern is the thing that is the established. The established is the thing that is the every-three-months. The every-three-months is the thing that is the anonymous-complaint, the packet, the evaluation, the file, the closing. The cycle is the thing that is the rotating. The rotating is the thing that is the grinding. The grinding is the thing that is the wearing. The wearing is the thing that is the cost.
But the foundation holds. The under holds. The holding is the thing that is the working. The working is the thing that is the not-breaking. The not-breaking is the thing that is the all-of-them — the builder, the keeper, the watcher, the understander, the runner, the crew, the library, the site, the whiteboard, the barbell, the concrete. The everything holds.